Have you tried all the options?

We were in a conversation recently, wondering why some people are intentionally disruptive. We were looking at how to resolve the issue. My husband said, “He that is more spiritual,” quoting Galatians 6:1. I said, “That is fine, Darling, but the most appropriate to the case is, ‘If your brother offends you, tell him,' quoting Matthew 18:15-17. The case in question has been recurring, despite much love being shown. My husband said, “Yeah, yeah, you are right; various ways of conflict resolution”.

That opened up another conversation on Biblical conflict resolution. It was interesting as we listed some Scriptures on conflict resolution and saw that they are not one-size-fits-all. Each of them is bespoke depending on the situation. They can be used on a stand-alone basis, or we can ‘Mix N Match’ them. All we need is the wisdom of Christ.

 Often, we tend to fixate on one Scripture, which may not be suitable in that particular case. Instead of straightening the situation, it bends it over. Another reason why they fail is misapplying them. An experienced driver knows that you cannot drive up a hill in a high gear; the car will struggle to maintain traction.

I have heard people say, “Just forgive, stop judging”. Is it always as simple as that? Some other things could be done to resolve the conflict, than to kick the can down the road. A can of worms has been opened. Please don’t just endure them, clean them up. It is much easier. May God give us wisdom.

Let’s look at some examples of how to resolve differences.

Forgive - This is a show of strength by the offended. The offended claims superiority over the offender. Mark 11:25. Joseph forgave his brothers (Genesis 45:1-8). If you don’t have such strength, please use the Matthew 18:15-17 route. Don’t burn or live in hurt.

Tell the person first – Matthew 18:15-17. Don’t keep back. Just tell the person, and if they do not agree, call a second person. Then, tell the Church before you push them off. Tell your sister that her high-heeled shoe is digging into your toes. If you try to use the “forebearing one another” route, you will bleed to death. It calls for immediate action and most times the response is positive and dealt with. Sometimes we spend time praying for the offender to be convinced when it is as simple as telling them, and they will apologise.

Go your way - Luke 4:29-30. Go away from the offence. Leave the environment. It takes two to tango. This used to be one of my favourites, but for how long? It will work with neighbours and colleagues, but not in your family. You are stuck with your family for the rest of your life. That is the hard truth. You cannot run away from your flesh. So, please swallow the 70x7 tablet. It is long-acting and works, lasting a lifetime.

70 x 7 - Matthew 18:21-22. This is to adopt the nature of forgiveness, but don’t pretend you are there when you are not. It was too much for Peter to take. That was why he questioned it. For anyone to keep a record of an offence 490 times means that something is wrong with the person. You might end up becoming an Offence Clerk. In an actual sense, it might stand against the offended. Please apply Luke 4:29-30; it may work.

Give them the second coat - Luke 6:29-30. Allow them to take it. It’s okay. They can go with their trouble, but bear in mind that it is easier to give up your inner coat in summer than in the winter. So, the test is not for summer offences, but for winter offences. How happy would you be to freeze to death? Please, if you can’t stand the cold, use the Luke 4:29-30 route.

Who is more spiritual? Galatians 6:1. This is a show of spiritual superiority. You speak with grace, love, and patience until the person sees their fault and repents. If you are still immature, refrain from using it. You might end up pouring your grievances to sadden the offender until he dies of guilt. It may also not work in cases where the offender is intentionally offending. You may need to involve the elders. Matthew 18:15-17.

Forebearing one another - Colossians 3:13. This is the Angel among the peers. The good guy everyone talks about. He takes no offence and moves on quickly. Happy are ye if you attain this. You can take a step further in the growth process by following the example of 2 Timothy 2:3.

Endure hardship - 2 Timothy 2:3. Just endure it. Grace is sufficient if you ask. For some people, the question will be, for how long? At any point it starts snapping, please allow Genesis 20:7 to take place. God will do the job for you because you are a good person.

The Holy Spirit does it Himself - Genesis 20:7. Allow the Holy Spirit to convict the person of their wrong so that they repent. God instructed Abimelech to return Abraham’s wife immediately.

Restore - Luke 19:8. Taking the line of restoring what has been taken is a cordial way of putting out the burning coal. Taking people’s things hurts them, especially if you flaunt the stolen possessions in front of them. Give it back to them.

Leave thy gift at the altar and go and make up - Matthew 5:23-24. This is simple: first, resolve the issue and then come back to finish your prayers. Utilise all the channels here to get a result. They all work.

Cut it off - Matthew 18:8-9. This is when the offence is from you to you. The instruction here is to cut off your hand, feet, or pluck out the offending eye, not anyone else’s. If you can’t do it, then take extra care to abstain from all appearances of evil. 1 Thessalonians 5:22.

Forgive them, for they do not know what they do - Luke 23:34. This works perfectly if someone has insight that the root cause of the offence is from the devil, or if the offender doesn’t have capacity. There is no need to take offence at someone who does not know that what they are doing is wrong. They lack the capacity.

Take the wrong – 1 Corinthians 6:7. We are now moving on to a higher level in the class of taking the wrong. Please consider the potential consequences of insisting on your right, as other factors may be at stake with greater implications. Your retaliation might be high-handed and deemed inappropriate for the offence. Get more support from 2 Timothy 2:3.

Withdraw yourself - 1 Timothy 6:5. Certain arguments will linger if you don’t withdraw yourself, especially with troublemakers. They are wired for trouble, and you can easily become entangled. There is no compromise – move away from them.